Finding Wings

“It is by falling you find your wings.”

My wings

            Are courtesy of you;

I guess I should be thankful

            For those wings you have given.

Game of Angels …

Falling in love …

Falling together as debris …

Wings falling …

Broken wings?  …

Our love is a fated fledgling,

            Never to grow old,

            Never to develop its wings.

Free fall …   You

Send me flying to another;

Flying from my personal heaven -

            Flying towards my personal hell?

Falling without a net.

Ariel

August 4, 2005

Not A Game

This is not a game;

            You are unable to love me

            And I am unable to stop loving you.

So we are left at a stalemate,

            Guilt-burdened at not being

            Able to play the role the other needs. 

This time I cannot devise

            A satisfying end-game

            That will allow us both to win.

Ariel

August 3, 2005

Many Men

Have I had many men in my bed?

            No, not in my bed;

            Only my husband. 

But I have had many men

            In their beds,

In their many beds. 

When the craving grows

            And I know you do not want me

            In your bed, at your door … 

I go to their doors instead,

            To their beds –

            Their many beds.

Ariel

July 8, 2005

Pause

I am retreating

            Back into a shell,

A habit when I am aware

            That I am unacceptable.

I am conscious of that retreat

And it gives me pause;

I want to say something and, if

            I can’t coach it right, I say nothing.

Unacceptable – The questions

            Have become the answers. 

Ariel

July 6, 2005

Every Thousand Caresses

Every thousand caresses

            & familiar rhythms

            Wakens me.

I feel where your secret desire

            Holds your sacred scent.

I remember you, wild creature;

            I, your perfumed goddess.

            Ariel

June 2005

Great Heroics

I dream of great heroics;

            saving others by sacrifice,

            saving you by being strong in will.

Yet I  cower;

Craving a chance to prove my worth

            or a pardon that forgives my inadequacies

            whatever will confirm we are worth fighting for,

And yet rejection comes more frequently;

            rejection from you creates doubt.

            Doubt still makes me cower.

Ariel

September 27, 2004

Going To Write

I was going to write about how wrong this was

            How it could only be bad for us if we don’t;

You are under no commitment to me

            Contradictory to how I feel

            And I can’t ask for one.

Me feelings about it are just that –

            My feelings, not yours.

I do wish you would reconsider

            I have tried to accept you as you are,

            The way I would want anybody to accept me.

Ariel

September 2004

Mankind

Martin, I’m afraid

You’re mistaken

Mankind is tragically flawed.

How else can you explain

            The callousness

            The mean selfishness

            And no mercy?

How else can you explain

            Parents who murder their children,

            Men who routinely beat their wives,

            The arguments among family and friends,

            And the jokes that tear down the worth

                        Of those we profess to love?

Mankind does not only separate the “other” from “My Kind”;

            It divorces itself from everybody.

            It is not color man despises, it is everyone,

                        Old, Young, Black, White, Red, Gay, Straight.

At what point do spouses cease to be lovers?

            Even lovers grant no true favors.

Incapable of trust; Tragically flawed!

Ariel

October 1, 2004

Do Not Learn

No,

I do not learn

            From past experiences

I keep opening up

            & trusting.

Ariel

Oct 2004

Not Safe To Say

There are many things

            That are not safe to say.

“Fire”

            In a crowded building.

“Let’s do lunch”

            To a male collegue.

The details of a job proposal

            To a coworker.

“I disagree with Bush”

            To a soldier’s wife.

Or “I love you”

            To you.

Ariel

October 2004

My Hunger

damn!

my hunger

            can haunt you.

perhaps you will ask

            me to linger.

Ariel

October 2004

Affair With the Moon

Affair with the Moon

Even though I glance at it

            Only now and then,

If the moon were to end

            So would my world.

It’s nightly caress between

            Evening and night

Is necessary to inspire

            The blushing day.

So it is with our passion;

            Seldom seen, but constantly there.

Ariel

October 2004

Bridging The Distance

If she could

She would do something, anything.

She does:

She drowns herself in poetry, sex and distraction,

Submerges herself in activities and people,

Trying to collect enough friends to dull

The emptiness you leave in her heart.

Whenever she senses she can’t

Bridge the distance between you and she,

She adds a project, a new hobby

To span the time

To cross over the current of desire.

Ariel

September 2004

Cost of an Angel

angel, can you smile

when you lack a sensual flame?

i do miss that familiar joy;

how life becomes a beautiful surround

i can linger in

after that flight of rhythm & touch.

it is no blessing, is it,

to exist in a body

isolated from the world.

devoid of passion;

a life of purpose

is damning without desire.

the lack of which strips a caress

into a soul-less touch,

the worshiping kiss of the mouth

into a platonic peck,

a shout of celebration

into a whisper that fades

until no more.

i do not believe denial

is good for the soul;

it becomes stripped of essence.

those who love me, deny me; taking

enforced celibacy as sacred inspiration.

reducing  heaven’s gift of joy

into a guilty service.

a hungry soul stripped

into a pale shade

that will run after you no more.

i wished to fly

but not at the cost of leaving the ground.

angel, you should have warned

that my wings would only come alone

and the smile would be bitter.

Ariel

September 16,2004

Sober

As young, we haunted reason;

Drunk on desire, ideals and trust,

Like liquid sustenance, like secret dew.

My laughs were clear and bright as morning air.

Did he yet feel the time pale away?

The world devoured my angel,

Unreliable creature!  I saw him run, not linger.

Reality is long in coming.

But ask the fevered lips this…

Ask who celebrates our hunger.

Ariel

September 10. 2004

Defeat

I have finally learned my lesson;

It distills down to

                                          Being a singularity.

I expect no sympathy, no mercy;

Even lovers will not grant true favors.

Ariel

My Truth

Life is not forgiving.

Does not matter

            If it was a mistake

Made by me

            or by others

As it was with Mother

            I will pay the penalty

There is no circumventing

            Certain retribution

Ariel

September 9, 2012

Placed

Placed between

God and world,

My frustrated hunger devours

            The soul’s cry.

No longer will I

            Worship

Reason-less trust

            And romantic kindness.

Life and Love

            Grants no mercy.

Mere betrayal  cannot exist

            Within the void.

Ariel

September 9, 2004

Pale Dance

Goddess put a curse

Between you and I;

Covered our flickering whispers

With music haunted in hunger.

A pale dance

As my soul dies.

Not beautiful, I.

A woman, stripped by day;

Feels no worship

            Caress her.

Ariel

September 9, 2004

Sensate

Red head caressed

My petal’s sensual flame.

Thy passion rose in it,

Drunk on

A river of secret honey.

Ariel

The Other Party

It is strange

Being the other party.

The one being asked to let go.

It’s not that I didn’t sympathize with those

Who loved me more than is wise.

I just did not love them as much as they wanted.

I don’t tell them that though my heart is open,

It is guarded.  Access is only as

Deep as my trust.

Now it’s revealed that I am not wise;

My love runs deep. The question for me remains

Are you still hesitant to trust?

Ariel

September 2, 2004



Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow



Stark Naked

The stark tree towered over the pink and green grove;

Naked of leaves, it’s twisted

Limbs exposing all its imperfections.

Surely it was no taller than

The others clothed and covered with late spring’s garb.

Yet this immodest tree seduces the eye to it alone;

Its branches, sculpted by life to a uniqueness of its own,

Are displayed wide and unashamed.

Its bent shaped limbs continue their reach for the sky.

Proud, its unabashed stance giving it added height;

The stark tree towered high,

As high as the bare rock cliff in its shadow.

                                                Ariel

                                June 29, 2004

Three, Brother, Taft Bay
CC Willow