Running

Where am I driving to: Tired and wary

Looking for Escape?

The empty roads offer escape

But no Company.

The men at bars offer company

But no Comfort.

My friends offer both but

Deliver no Release.

I search some more and find myself

At your door;

Embarrassed a bit at showing

With you I find all four.

Ariel

June 26, 2004

Afternoon

I am

A winged creature;

Pulled into the Undercurrent of Time’s Passing,

Pulled into its seduction of a toneless void.

The mind muddies and stifles;

Unable to dredge up motivation,

Unable to focus the inner eye.

Surroundings lack color

And visual weight.

Ariel

March 10, 2004

Admitting - an early piece

Tears of regret

Not long forgotten

Love long lost

Memories distortrd

And my happiness

Suspended

My heart never learning

To put back the past

When so much of the future

Is ever-denied love.

Ariel

May 2, 1990

Cynthia Based on the Numbers

Patient, Willful, Strong, Giving

Brave, Daring, Bold, Charismatic, Brash

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful

Couragous, Faithful, Caring

Independent, Researcher, Intelligent

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Strong, Sturdy, Decisive

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Fun, Joyous, Persistant, Risk taker, Childish

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Ariel

June 17, 2004

   

This is another in the Numerology Name Series ...

Thomas Based on the Numbers

Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful

Courageous, Faithful, Caring

Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter

Creator, Developer, Builder

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Compassionate, Caring, Knowing

Patient, Determined, Strong

Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Courageous, Faithful, Caring

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Ariel

June 16 2004

 This is one of a series of name poems based on Numerology.

Edge

Waiting

Widens the void

Between my breasts;

Not easing the longing

But honing the years

Into an edge

That cuts.

Ariel

April 30, 2004

Diving

To reach the ocean floor

One must dive deep.

Succumb and assimilate

The increasing pressure;

Take it into yourself and

Live in that moment,

Then ride the currents yet lower.

Discover the true

Denizens of the deep

Their habits and psyches;

Those creatures that carry their own glow

Where all is dark and murky.

Accept and know the amoebas and parasites,

Prey and Predators.

One cannot understand the ocean of the soul

Just by staying on the surface

And being an Observer,

Watching the waves.

Ariel
April 28, 2001

Note

Intentionally
Ignoring my existence
Deprives us both.

Ariel
April 21 2004

How You Effect Me ...

A cat keeps purring,
No matter if it is inhaling or exhaling,

A baffling accomplishment.

Look Deeper

Do not mistake me;
That which is exposed still hides
My roots’ true nature.

Ariel

Perception

It’s all a matter
Of perception; The magics
Veil the preparation.

Ariel

April 13, 2004

My Fantasy

It is my fantasy

            That if you really got to know me,

If I showed you my soul and

The words wrapped around it,

That you would fall in love

With me.

All those foibles and quarks

            That now irritate and confound you

            Will have their context, their place.

And I would be not just acceptable

            But wanted and desired.

Understood.

Ariel

March 25, 2004

Cannot Be Demanded

Love can not be demanded

As if it is some entitled possession.

It is not something reciprocal

By law or nature.

Love demanded is not love

But a stunted resentful emotion.

Love can not be demanded or asked for

It can be only be given.

If you love someone,

You can give that love.

You have only affection, then

Love can be cultivated, nurtured;

You can choose to give it life

And allow it to grow

Like any living thing.

Ariel

March25, 2004

Staving off Sleep

Staving off sleep

In the pale dark

Waiting for the Muse.

Hoping for completion

The reason why I position

Myself still to lose.

Ariel

March 21, 2004

Stilll seeking answers in the dark ...

Day-to-Day Realities

Only extremes get documented,

            Dissected, obsessed over;

The day to day realities

            Get experienced unrecorded.

Yet they are a part of my too

            The small compromises I make to survive.

Ariel

Mar 20, 2004

Thin Water

Sitting in the thin

Light of morning

Even Ariel has lost

Her voice.

Thinking of it not

As day’s beginning but

End of night,

Enduring the darkest hours.

And, yes, the sun will rise

And today may look beautiful

But like a reflection in water,

The sun will give off light

But no warmth.

And the cold will

Seep into my bones

And lodge there.

It has been water

In my mind all year.

Ariel

February 2004

October's Question

Why do I come over

You ask.

I can’t answer that

Completely …

How do I describe what I don’t understand,

Not sure I want to.

I can’t describe why being with you

Is like a jolt of electricity caressing me

Why standing next to you is being home

In a place I’ve never been before,

Unfamiliar but

Knowing where everything is.

I can’t explain why when I’m close to you,

Thoughts and names flow

Like half-remembered dreams I’ve never had.

I don’t know why the exhilaration,

At your touch,

Is the feeling of standing on a cliff

And not knowing which way the wind will blow.

It’s breathless, and scary and intoxicating

All at the same time.

It’s weird. It’s desire.

It would be so easy to run away from you.

To know you are there, and you could hurt me

Or I hurt you. I fear that.

The balance is tenuous, delicate,

Between how glorious it could be and how tragic.

I can’t explain that to you

For it scares me and it will scare you.

You are not some frivolous stone to pick up.

But I won’t tell you that either.

Nor am I.

But I’ll return

Three Brothers Taft Bay
CC Willow

Ariel

Oct 1, 2003

Polarity

My husband I need

I need because I love him.

But the other …

I love him because I need him.

Ariel

April 2003

Waiting for a Response

Waiting for a renewed response, searching

Through email hoping for your erst-while attention

Psychics, psychologists, spells & books

Searching among strangers for advise & direction.

Testing and Probing on the fringes

Searching for the secret to your affection.

Ariel

April 7, 2003

Dreams

Dreams that I can see

Are only to show what I

Will never achieve.

Ariel

March 28, 2003

Invitation

That was not expected

And further shows the irony of our timing.

Any other time I’m hoping for your attention

But no,I get it now

After I’ve committed

Every moment for the next three days;

When I have borrowed babes

Underfoot,

When I have widowed mother and a birthday

dinner to take care of;

A dinner for my husband

to meet  one of my past boyfriends,

When I have roots showing

And ten pounds to shed,

When the past mires my mind again

And I need to find my way back again.

Now you want me?

Lover, you’ll have to wait.

Ariel

March 28, 2003

Never Know

Never Know 

Perhaps you wouldn’t have loved me anyways

But I will never know. 

Never know if things were different,

That I may have captured your heart

The way you captured mine. 

Never know why,

After fourteen years,

Why I’m writing a love poem

To someone who is still basically a stranger.

 

Ariel

March 18, 2003

Moment of Rape

Moment of Rape

 

Maybe the problem is that

I’m always stuck in the month;
those two weeks that held my heart
and choices captive in two different polarities.
 
Those two weeks,
years ago, that finished the savage
taking of my innocence;
my body at the cost of my life
my life at the cost of my heart
my heart at the cost of my hopes.
 
You weren’t who I wanted to love
and yet I do –
someone who doesn’t want me.
 
He didn’t want me either –
just wanted to hurt someone,
hurt them to their core. 

How complete the hurt,
a moment I still cower in.
 

Ariel

March 18, 2003

 

Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow 2010

The Heart

The Heart

I feel, I believe,

the heart is not only capable

of loving many,

but is also meant to,

and by choice.

Monogamy, to me,

seems a very unnatural

state. Like meat tasting of

processed chocolate.

I don’t believe in “soul-mates”.

Ariel

March 17. 2003

Written

Your name is in my heart

Hidden under black ink

So that none may know or suspect

That I remember your illicit touch.

Ariel

2002

My Solution - an early piece

You're looking all over to

Solve Today’s Dream,

Saving the owl...

The forests...

The air.

And, somewhere along the way,

Picked up the assumption

That man must end

For the Earth to live.

Citing historic exploitation,

You condemn mankind's future.

"Die and sin no more!"

My faith tells me the solution

Lies only with the continuation

Of man,

Instilling in the next generation

The best of man's ideals,

The sum of man's experience.

So I will create a better tomorrow

By teaching the children today.

That is how I will raise our son

Ariel

March 12, 1991




 

Firepaw
CC Willow 2012

Please Read - an early poem

Perhaps I am a child

Who loves you.

That is okay.

I have often admired children

For they love so purely

And without hesitation.

Children see things as they

Really are

They ignore that which

            Is unimportant.

It is something that

            Adults have forgotten.

Ariel

February 14, 1991

Downwards - an earlier piece revised

Thomas, at night you

Haunt my memory;

On the frozen, still

Midwinter moment

A chance meeting

Sealed our fates.

In passion, my love was conceived.

Sealed heart,

Two cold years have passed. Denial

Is not sweet. I am unsuccessful in

Loving others and unsuccessful in not

Loving you.

Life, grant me the

Opportunity again; the memory

Vexes my heart. I can not hide its

Echoing veracity inside much longer.

You are my heart, my life, my

One great love. Thomas, if only you

Understood how much I need you.

Ariel

March 9, 1991





Want To Talk To You - an early poem

I want to talk to you

But I’m scared of your rejection.

I opened up to you one time,

But you misunderstood my intentions.

Now when you look at me,

You see only your suspicion …

And it’s not me.

How can I tell you

I still love you

When I can’t even talk to you?

Ariel

February 1991

Admitting - an early poem

Admitting

I love you still

But more importantly

I like you.

Ariel

1990

Center Street - an early poem

Center Street



I know where you live,

It didn’t take me long to find it

Once I got the courage.

Ariel

April 1990

Inner Reaches - an early poem

Has it always

Been Civilization's ambition

To walk

Through Halls of Wisdom?

So long we have strove

To reach the Next Shelf

And dust off Forgotten Knowledge,

To find Ancient Mysteries

Hidden within the Mythology

Ariel

October 1989

TigerEyes - an early piece

What is it that makes me tremble

When you’re around or call my name

Like a primitive pheromone

That speeds quick to my brain

Causing it to weaken,

Skin to tingle, Heart rapidly beat,

Only to be sated when

We mingle ‘pon the rumpled sheet.

Ariel

 



Resting Tiger
by CC Willow



A Cat Has No Master - an early piece

You cannot claim me,

A cat has no master.

My attention will be given to you

On my terms and whims.

Accept my affection if you will;

Love is love when freely given,

I can be generous with it.

But do not stay me when I go.

I will eat your food, but continue to hunt;

Like any creature not overly domesticated,

I need to rely only on myself for survival

And take no one for granted.

Ariel

January 1989

After The Storm - an early piece

After the storm

comes the rainbow;

when the rosebuds

will blossom

and the fish will swim.

Ariel

Jan 1 1989