CC Willow art store

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Finding Wings

“It is by falling you find your wings.”

My wings
            Are courtesy of you;
I guess I should be thankful
            For those wings you have given.

Game of Angels …
Falling in love …
Falling together as debris …
Wings falling …
Broken wings? 

Our love is a fated fledgling,
            Never to grow old,
            Never to develop its wings.

Free fall …   You
Send me flying to another;
Flying from my personal heaven -
            Flying towards my personal hell?

Falling without a net.

August 4, 2005

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Not A Game

This is not a game;
            You are unable to love me
            And I am unable to stop loving you.

So we are left at a stalemate,
            Guilt-burdened at not being
            Able to play the role the other needs. 

This time I cannot devise
            A satisfying end-game
            That will allow us both to win.

August 3, 2005

Many Men

Have I had many men in my bed?
            No, not in my bed;
            Only my husband. 

But I have had many men
            In their beds,
In their many beds. 

When the craving grows
            And I know you do not want me
            In your bed, at your door … 

I go to their doors instead,
            To their beds –
            Their many beds.

July 8, 2005


I am retreating
            Back into a shell,
A habit when I am aware
            That I am unacceptable.
I am conscious of that retreat
And it gives me pause;
I want to say something and, if
            I can’t coach it right, I say nothing.
Unacceptable – The questions
            Have become the answers. 


July 6, 2005

Every Thousand Caresses

Every thousand caresses
            & familiar rhythms
            Wakens me.
I feel where your secret desire
            Holds your sacred scent.

I remember you, wild creature;
            I, your perfumed goddess.

June 2005

Monday, June 11, 2012

Great Heroics

I dream of great heroics;
            saving others by sacrifice,
            saving you by being strong in will.

Yet I  cower;

Craving a chance to prove my worth
            or a pardon that forgives my inadequacies
            whatever will confirm we are worth fighting for,
And yet rejection comes more frequently;
            rejection from you creates doubt.
            Doubt still makes me cower.

September 27, 2004

Going To Write

I was going to write about how wrong this was
            How it could only be bad for us if we don’t;
You are under no commitment to me
            Contradictory to how I feel
            And I can’t ask for one.
Me feelings about it are just that –
            My feelings, not yours.
I do wish you would reconsider
            I have tried to accept you as you are,
            The way I would want anybody to accept me.

September 2004


Martin, I’m afraid
You’re mistaken
Mankind is tragically flawed.

How else can you explain
            The callousness
            The mean selfishness
            And no mercy?

How else can you explain
            Parents who murder their children,
            Men who routinely beat their wives,
            The arguments among family and friends,
            And the jokes that tear down the worth
                        Of those we profess to love?

Mankind does not only separate the “other” from “My Kind”;
            It divorces itself from everybody.
            It is not color man despises, it is everyone,
                        Old, Young, Black, White, Red, Gay, Straight.

At what point do spouses cease to be lovers?
            Even lovers grant no true favors.

Incapable of trust; Tragically flawed!


October 1, 2004

Do Not Learn

I do not learn
            From past experiences

I keep opening up
            & trusting.

Oct 2004

Not Safe To Say

There are many things
            That are not safe to say.

            In a crowded building.
“Let’s do lunch”
            To a male collegue.
The details of a job proposal
            To a coworker.
“I disagree with Bush”
            To a soldier’s wife.

Or “I love you”
            To you.

October 2004

Friday, June 8, 2012

My Hunger

my hunger
            can haunt you.

perhaps you will ask
            me to linger.


October 2004

Affair With the Moon

Ariel ChasingTiger
Affair with the Moon

Even though I glance at it
            Only now and then,
If the moon were to end
            So would my world.
It’s nightly caress between
            Evening and night
Is necessary to inspire
            The blushing day.

So it is with our passion;
            Seldom seen, but constantly there.


October 2004

Bridging The Distance

If she could
She would do something, anything.
She does:
She drowns herself in poetry, sex and distraction,
Submerges herself in activities and people,
Trying to collect enough friends to dull
The emptiness you leave in her heart.
Whenever she senses she can’t
Bridge the distance between you and she,
She adds a project, a new hobby
To span the time
To cross over the current of desire.

September 2004

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Cost of an Angel

angel, can you smile
when you lack a sensual flame?

i do miss that familiar joy;
how life becomes a beautiful surround
i can linger in
after that flight of rhythm & touch.
it is no blessing, is it,
to exist in a body
isolated from the world.
devoid of passion;
a life of purpose
is damning without desire.
the lack of which strips a caress
into a soul-less touch,
the worshiping kiss of the mouth
into a platonic peck,
a shout of celebration
into a whisper that fades
until no more.

i do not believe denial
is good for the soul;
it becomes stripped of essence.

those who love me, deny me; taking
enforced celibacy as sacred inspiration.
reducing  heaven’s gift of joy
into a guilty service.
a hungry soul stripped
into a pale shade
that will run after you no more.

i wished to fly
but not at the cost of leaving the ground.
angel, you should have warned
that my wings would only come alone
and the smile would be bitter.


September 16,2004

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


As young, we haunted reason;
Drunk on desire, ideals and trust,
Like liquid sustenance, like secret dew.
My laughs were clear and bright as morning air.

Did he yet feel the time pale away?

The world devoured my angel,
Unreliable creature!  I saw him run, not linger.

Reality is long in coming.
But ask the fevered lips this…
Ask who celebrates our hunger.


September 10. 2004


I have finally learned my lesson;
It distills down to
                                          Being a singularity.

I expect no sympathy, no mercy;
Even lovers will not grant true favors.


My Truth

Life is not forgiving.

Does not matter
            If it was a mistake
Made by me
            or by others
As it was with Mother
            I will pay the penalty

There is no circumventing
            Certain retribution

September 9, 2012


Placed between
God and world,
My frustrated hunger devours
            The soul’s cry.

No longer will I
Reason-less trust
            And romantic kindness.

Life and Love
            Grants no mercy.
Mere betrayal  cannot exist
            Within the void.


September 9, 2004

Pale Dance

Goddess put a curse
Between you and I;
Covered our flickering whispers
With music haunted in hunger.

A pale dance
As my soul dies.

Not beautiful, I.
A woman, stripped by day;

Feels no worship

            Caress her.


September 9, 2004

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Red head caressed

My petal’s sensual flame.
Thy passion rose in it,
Drunk on
A river of secret honey.


Monday, June 4, 2012

The Other Party

It is strange
Being the other party.
The one being asked to let go.

It’s not that I didn’t sympathize with those
Who loved me more than is wise.
I just did not love them as much as they wanted.

I don’t tell them that though my heart is open,
It is guarded.  Access is only as
Deep as my trust.

Now it’s revealed that I am not wise;
My love runs deep. The question for me remains
Are you still hesitant to trust?

September 2, 2004

Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Stark Naked

The stark tree towered over the pink and green grove;
Naked of leaves, it’s twisted
Limbs exposing all its imperfections.
Surely it was no taller than
The others clothed and covered with late spring’s garb.
Yet this immodest tree seduces the eye to it alone;
Its branches, sculpted by life to a uniqueness of its own,
Are displayed wide and unashamed.
Its bent shaped limbs continue their reach for the sky.
Proud, its unabashed stance giving it added height;
The stark tree towered high,
As high as the bare rock cliff in its shadow.

                                June 29, 2004
Three, Brother, Taft Bay
CC Willow

Thursday, May 31, 2012


Where am I driving to: Tired and wary
Looking for Escape?
The empty roads offer escape
But no Company.
The men at bars offer company
But no Comfort.
My friends offer both but
Deliver no Release.

I search some more and find myself
At your door;
Embarrassed a bit at showing
With you I find all four.

June 26, 2004


I am
A winged creature;
Pulled into the Undercurrent of Time’s Passing,
Pulled into its seduction of a toneless void.
The mind muddies and stifles;
Unable to dredge up motivation,
Unable to focus the inner eye.
Surroundings lack color
And visual weight.

March 10, 2004

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Admitting - an early piece

Tears of regret
Not long forgotten
Love long lost
Memories distortrd
And my happiness

My heart never learning
To put back the past
When so much of the future
Is ever-denied love.

May 2, 1990

Cynthia Based on the Numbers

Patient, Willful, Strong, Giving
Brave, Daring, Bold, Charismatic, Brash
Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty
Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful
Couragous, Faithful, Caring
Independent, Researcher, Intelligent
Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Strong, Sturdy, Decisive
Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive
Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty
Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive
Fun, Joyous, Persistant, Risk taker, Childish
Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty
Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

June 17, 2004

This is another in the Numerology Name Series ...

Thomas Based on the Numbers

Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful
Courageous, Faithful, Caring
Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter
Creator, Developer, Builder
Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Determined, Persistent, Idealist
Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Compassionate, Caring, Knowing
Patient, Determined, Strong
Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter
Determined, Persistent, Idealist
Courageous, Faithful, Caring
Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive
Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
Determined, Persistent, Idealist

June 16 2004

 This is one of a series of name poems based on Numerology.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Widens the void
Between my breasts;
Not easing the longing
But honing the years
Into an edge
That cuts.

April 30, 2004

Monday, May 28, 2012


To reach the ocean floor
One must dive deep.

Succumb and assimilate
The increasing pressure;
Take it into yourself and
Live in that moment,
Then ride the currents yet lower.

Discover the true
Denizens of the deep
Their habits and psyches;
Those creatures that carry their own glow
Where all is dark and murky.
Accept and know the amoebas and parasites,
Prey and Predators.

One cannot understand the ocean of the soul
Just by staying on the surface
And being an Observer,
Watching the waves.
April 28, 2001


Ignoring my existence
Deprives us both.

April 21 2004

How You Effect Me ...

A cat keeps purring,
No matter if it is inhaling or exhaling,
A baffling accomplishment.

Look Deeper

Do not mistake me;
That which is exposed still hides
My roots’ true nature.


Saturday, May 26, 2012


It’s all a matter
Of perception; The magics
Veil the preparation.

April 13, 2004

Thursday, May 24, 2012

My Fantasy

It is my fantasy
            That if you really got to know me,
If I showed you my soul and
The words wrapped around it,
That you would fall in love
With me.
All those foibles and quarks
            That now irritate and confound you
            Will have their context, their place.
And I would be not just acceptable
            But wanted and desired.

March 25, 2004

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Cannot Be Demanded

Love can not be demanded
As if it is some entitled possession.
It is not something reciprocal
By law or nature.
Love demanded is not love
But a stunted resentful emotion.

Love can not be demanded or asked for
It can be only be given.
If you love someone,
You can give that love.
You have only affection, then
Love can be cultivated, nurtured;
You can choose to give it life
And allow it to grow
Like any living thing.

March25, 2004

Staving off Sleep

Staving off sleep
In the pale dark
Waiting for the Muse.

Hoping for completion
The reason why I position
Myself still to lose.

March 21, 2004

Stilll seeking answers in the dark ...

Day-to-Day Realities

Only extremes get documented,
            Dissected, obsessed over;
The day to day realities
            Get experienced unrecorded.
Yet they are a part of my too
            The small compromises I make to survive.

Mar 20, 2004

Thin Water

Sitting in the thin
Light of morning
Even Ariel has lost
Her voice.
Thinking of it not
As day’s beginning but
End of night,
Enduring the darkest hours.

And, yes, the sun will rise
And today may look beautiful
But like a reflection in water,
The sun will give off light
But no warmth.
And the cold will
Seep into my bones
And lodge there.

It has been water
In my mind all year.

February 2004

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

October's Question

Why do I come over
You ask.
I can’t answer that
Completely …
How do I describe what I don’t understand,
Not sure I want to.
I can’t describe why being with you
Is like a jolt of electricity caressing me
Why standing next to you is being home
In a place I’ve never been before,
Unfamiliar but
Knowing where everything is.

I can’t explain why when I’m close to you,
Thoughts and names flow
Like half-remembered dreams I’ve never had.
I don’t know why the exhilaration,
At your touch,
Is the feeling of standing on a cliff
And not knowing which way the wind will blow.
It’s breathless, and scary and intoxicating
All at the same time.
It’s weird. It’s desire.
It would be so easy to run away from you.
To know you are there, and you could hurt me
Or I hurt you. I fear that.
The balance is tenuous, delicate,
Between how glorious it could be and how tragic.
I can’t explain that to you
For it scares me and it will scare you.

You are not some frivolous stone to pick up.
But I won’t tell you that either.
Nor am I.
But I’ll return

Three Brothers Taft Bay
CC Willow
Oct 1, 2003


My husband I need
I need because I love him.

But the other …
I love him because I need him.

April 2003

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Waiting for a Response

Waiting for a renewed response, searching
Through email hoping for your erst-while attention

Psychics, psychologists, spells & books
Searching among strangers for advise & direction.

Testing and Probing on the fringes
Searching for the secret to your affection.

April 7, 2003


Dreams that I can see
Are only to show what I
Will never achieve.

March 28, 2003


That was not expected
And further shows the irony of our timing.

Any other time I’m hoping for your attention
But no,I get it now
After I’ve committed
Every moment for the next three days;
When I have borrowed babes
When I have widowed mother and a birthday
dinner to take care of;
A dinner for my husband
to meet  one of my past boyfriends,
When I have roots showing
And ten pounds to shed,
When the past mires my mind again
And I need to find my way back again.
Now you want me?

Lover, you’ll have to wait.

March 28, 2003

Never Know

Never Know 

Perhaps you wouldn’t have loved me anyways
But I will never know. 

Never know if things were different,
That I may have captured your heart
The way you captured mine. 

Never know why,
After fourteen years,
Why I’m writing a love poem
To someone who is still basically a stranger.

March 18, 2003

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Moment of Rape

Moment of Rape

Maybe the problem is that
I’m always stuck in the month;
those two weeks that held my heart
and choices captive in two different polarities.
Those two weeks,
years ago, that finished the savage
taking of my innocence;
my body at the cost of my life
my life at the cost of my heart
my heart at the cost of my hopes.
You weren’t who I wanted to love
and yet I do –
someone who doesn’t want me.
He didn’t want me either –
just wanted to hurt someone,
hurt them to their core. 

How complete the hurt,
a moment I still cower in.

March 18, 2003
Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow 2010

The Heart

The Heart

I feel, I believe,
the heart is not only capable
of loving many,
but is also meant to,
and by choice.
Monogamy, to me,
seems a very unnatural
state. Like meat tasting of
processed chocolate.
I don’t believe in “soul-mates”.

March 17. 2003


Your name is in my heart
Hidden under black ink

So that none may know or suspect
That I remember your illicit touch.


Friday, May 18, 2012

My Solution - an early piece

You're looking all over to
Solve Today’s Dream,
Saving the owl...
The forests...
The air.
And, somewhere along the way,
Picked up the assumption
That man must end
For the Earth to live.
Citing historic exploitation,
You condemn mankind's future.
"Die and sin no more!"

My faith tells me the solution
Lies only with the continuation
Of man,
Instilling in the next generation
The best of man's ideals,
The sum of man's experience.
So I will create a better tomorrow
By teaching the children today.
That is how I will raise our son
March 12, 1991

CC Willow 2012