Finding Wings

“It is by falling you find your wings.”

My wings

            Are courtesy of you;

I guess I should be thankful

            For those wings you have given.

Game of Angels …

Falling in love …

Falling together as debris …

Wings falling …

Broken wings?  …

Our love is a fated fledgling,

            Never to grow old,

            Never to develop its wings.

Free fall …   You

Send me flying to another;

Flying from my personal heaven -

            Flying towards my personal hell?

Falling without a net.

Ariel

August 4, 2005

Not A Game

This is not a game;

            You are unable to love me

            And I am unable to stop loving you.

So we are left at a stalemate,

            Guilt-burdened at not being

            Able to play the role the other needs. 

This time I cannot devise

            A satisfying end-game

            That will allow us both to win.

Ariel

August 3, 2005

Many Men

Have I had many men in my bed?

            No, not in my bed;

            Only my husband. 

But I have had many men

            In their beds,

In their many beds. 

When the craving grows

            And I know you do not want me

            In your bed, at your door … 

I go to their doors instead,

            To their beds –

            Their many beds.

Ariel

July 8, 2005

Pause

I am retreating

            Back into a shell,

A habit when I am aware

            That I am unacceptable.

I am conscious of that retreat

And it gives me pause;

I want to say something and, if

            I can’t coach it right, I say nothing.

Unacceptable – The questions

            Have become the answers. 

Ariel

July 6, 2005

Every Thousand Caresses

Every thousand caresses

            & familiar rhythms

            Wakens me.

I feel where your secret desire

            Holds your sacred scent.

I remember you, wild creature;

            I, your perfumed goddess.

            Ariel

June 2005

Great Heroics

I dream of great heroics;

            saving others by sacrifice,

            saving you by being strong in will.

Yet I  cower;

Craving a chance to prove my worth

            or a pardon that forgives my inadequacies

            whatever will confirm we are worth fighting for,

And yet rejection comes more frequently;

            rejection from you creates doubt.

            Doubt still makes me cower.

Ariel

September 27, 2004

Going To Write

I was going to write about how wrong this was

            How it could only be bad for us if we don’t;

You are under no commitment to me

            Contradictory to how I feel

            And I can’t ask for one.

Me feelings about it are just that –

            My feelings, not yours.

I do wish you would reconsider

            I have tried to accept you as you are,

            The way I would want anybody to accept me.

Ariel

September 2004

Mankind

Martin, I’m afraid

You’re mistaken

Mankind is tragically flawed.

How else can you explain

            The callousness

            The mean selfishness

            And no mercy?

How else can you explain

            Parents who murder their children,

            Men who routinely beat their wives,

            The arguments among family and friends,

            And the jokes that tear down the worth

                        Of those we profess to love?

Mankind does not only separate the “other” from “My Kind”;

            It divorces itself from everybody.

            It is not color man despises, it is everyone,

                        Old, Young, Black, White, Red, Gay, Straight.

At what point do spouses cease to be lovers?

            Even lovers grant no true favors.

Incapable of trust; Tragically flawed!

Ariel

October 1, 2004

Do Not Learn

No,

I do not learn

            From past experiences

I keep opening up

            & trusting.

Ariel

Oct 2004

Not Safe To Say

There are many things

            That are not safe to say.

“Fire”

            In a crowded building.

“Let’s do lunch”

            To a male collegue.

The details of a job proposal

            To a coworker.

“I disagree with Bush”

            To a soldier’s wife.

Or “I love you”

            To you.

Ariel

October 2004

My Hunger

damn!

my hunger

            can haunt you.

perhaps you will ask

            me to linger.

Ariel

October 2004

Affair With the Moon

Affair with the Moon

Even though I glance at it

            Only now and then,

If the moon were to end

            So would my world.

It’s nightly caress between

            Evening and night

Is necessary to inspire

            The blushing day.

So it is with our passion;

            Seldom seen, but constantly there.

Ariel

October 2004

Bridging The Distance

If she could

She would do something, anything.

She does:

She drowns herself in poetry, sex and distraction,

Submerges herself in activities and people,

Trying to collect enough friends to dull

The emptiness you leave in her heart.

Whenever she senses she can’t

Bridge the distance between you and she,

She adds a project, a new hobby

To span the time

To cross over the current of desire.

Ariel

September 2004

Cost of an Angel

angel, can you smile

when you lack a sensual flame?

i do miss that familiar joy;

how life becomes a beautiful surround

i can linger in

after that flight of rhythm & touch.

it is no blessing, is it,

to exist in a body

isolated from the world.

devoid of passion;

a life of purpose

is damning without desire.

the lack of which strips a caress

into a soul-less touch,

the worshiping kiss of the mouth

into a platonic peck,

a shout of celebration

into a whisper that fades

until no more.

i do not believe denial

is good for the soul;

it becomes stripped of essence.

those who love me, deny me; taking

enforced celibacy as sacred inspiration.

reducing  heaven’s gift of joy

into a guilty service.

a hungry soul stripped

into a pale shade

that will run after you no more.

i wished to fly

but not at the cost of leaving the ground.

angel, you should have warned

that my wings would only come alone

and the smile would be bitter.

Ariel

September 16,2004

Sober

As young, we haunted reason;

Drunk on desire, ideals and trust,

Like liquid sustenance, like secret dew.

My laughs were clear and bright as morning air.

Did he yet feel the time pale away?

The world devoured my angel,

Unreliable creature!  I saw him run, not linger.

Reality is long in coming.

But ask the fevered lips this…

Ask who celebrates our hunger.

Ariel

September 10. 2004

Defeat

I have finally learned my lesson;

It distills down to

                                          Being a singularity.

I expect no sympathy, no mercy;

Even lovers will not grant true favors.

Ariel

My Truth

Life is not forgiving.

Does not matter

            If it was a mistake

Made by me

            or by others

As it was with Mother

            I will pay the penalty

There is no circumventing

            Certain retribution

Ariel

September 9, 2012

Placed

Placed between

God and world,

My frustrated hunger devours

            The soul’s cry.

No longer will I

            Worship

Reason-less trust

            And romantic kindness.

Life and Love

            Grants no mercy.

Mere betrayal  cannot exist

            Within the void.

Ariel

September 9, 2004

Pale Dance

Goddess put a curse

Between you and I;

Covered our flickering whispers

With music haunted in hunger.

A pale dance

As my soul dies.

Not beautiful, I.

A woman, stripped by day;

Feels no worship

            Caress her.

Ariel

September 9, 2004

Sensate

Red head caressed

My petal’s sensual flame.

Thy passion rose in it,

Drunk on

A river of secret honey.

Ariel

The Other Party

It is strange

Being the other party.

The one being asked to let go.

It’s not that I didn’t sympathize with those

Who loved me more than is wise.

I just did not love them as much as they wanted.

I don’t tell them that though my heart is open,

It is guarded.  Access is only as

Deep as my trust.

Now it’s revealed that I am not wise;

My love runs deep. The question for me remains

Are you still hesitant to trust?

Ariel

September 2, 2004



Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow



Stark Naked

The stark tree towered over the pink and green grove;

Naked of leaves, it’s twisted

Limbs exposing all its imperfections.

Surely it was no taller than

The others clothed and covered with late spring’s garb.

Yet this immodest tree seduces the eye to it alone;

Its branches, sculpted by life to a uniqueness of its own,

Are displayed wide and unashamed.

Its bent shaped limbs continue their reach for the sky.

Proud, its unabashed stance giving it added height;

The stark tree towered high,

As high as the bare rock cliff in its shadow.

                                                Ariel

                                June 29, 2004

Three, Brother, Taft Bay
CC Willow

Running

Where am I driving to: Tired and wary

Looking for Escape?

The empty roads offer escape

But no Company.

The men at bars offer company

But no Comfort.

My friends offer both but

Deliver no Release.

I search some more and find myself

At your door;

Embarrassed a bit at showing

With you I find all four.

Ariel

June 26, 2004

Afternoon

I am

A winged creature;

Pulled into the Undercurrent of Time’s Passing,

Pulled into its seduction of a toneless void.

The mind muddies and stifles;

Unable to dredge up motivation,

Unable to focus the inner eye.

Surroundings lack color

And visual weight.

Ariel

March 10, 2004

Admitting - an early piece

Tears of regret

Not long forgotten

Love long lost

Memories distortrd

And my happiness

Suspended

My heart never learning

To put back the past

When so much of the future

Is ever-denied love.

Ariel

May 2, 1990

Cynthia Based on the Numbers

Patient, Willful, Strong, Giving

Brave, Daring, Bold, Charismatic, Brash

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful

Couragous, Faithful, Caring

Independent, Researcher, Intelligent

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Strong, Sturdy, Decisive

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Fun, Joyous, Persistant, Risk taker, Childish

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Ariel

June 17, 2004

   

This is another in the Numerology Name Series ...

Thomas Based on the Numbers

Unswerving, Steadfast, Demanding, Forceful

Courageous, Faithful, Caring

Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter

Creator, Developer, Builder

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Colorful, Bright, Perceptive

Compassionate, Caring, Knowing

Patient, Determined, Strong

Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Courageous, Faithful, Caring

Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive

Creative, Inventive, Intuitive

Determined, Persistent, Idealist

Ariel

June 16 2004

 This is one of a series of name poems based on Numerology.

Edge

Waiting

Widens the void

Between my breasts;

Not easing the longing

But honing the years

Into an edge

That cuts.

Ariel

April 30, 2004

Diving

To reach the ocean floor

One must dive deep.

Succumb and assimilate

The increasing pressure;

Take it into yourself and

Live in that moment,

Then ride the currents yet lower.

Discover the true

Denizens of the deep

Their habits and psyches;

Those creatures that carry their own glow

Where all is dark and murky.

Accept and know the amoebas and parasites,

Prey and Predators.

One cannot understand the ocean of the soul

Just by staying on the surface

And being an Observer,

Watching the waves.

Ariel
April 28, 2001

Note

Intentionally
Ignoring my existence
Deprives us both.

Ariel
April 21 2004

How You Effect Me ...

A cat keeps purring,
No matter if it is inhaling or exhaling,

A baffling accomplishment.

Look Deeper

Do not mistake me;
That which is exposed still hides
My roots’ true nature.

Ariel

Perception

It’s all a matter
Of perception; The magics
Veil the preparation.

Ariel

April 13, 2004

My Fantasy

It is my fantasy

            That if you really got to know me,

If I showed you my soul and

The words wrapped around it,

That you would fall in love

With me.

All those foibles and quarks

            That now irritate and confound you

            Will have their context, their place.

And I would be not just acceptable

            But wanted and desired.

Understood.

Ariel

March 25, 2004

Cannot Be Demanded

Love can not be demanded

As if it is some entitled possession.

It is not something reciprocal

By law or nature.

Love demanded is not love

But a stunted resentful emotion.

Love can not be demanded or asked for

It can be only be given.

If you love someone,

You can give that love.

You have only affection, then

Love can be cultivated, nurtured;

You can choose to give it life

And allow it to grow

Like any living thing.

Ariel

March25, 2004

Staving off Sleep

Staving off sleep

In the pale dark

Waiting for the Muse.

Hoping for completion

The reason why I position

Myself still to lose.

Ariel

March 21, 2004

Stilll seeking answers in the dark ...

Day-to-Day Realities

Only extremes get documented,

            Dissected, obsessed over;

The day to day realities

            Get experienced unrecorded.

Yet they are a part of my too

            The small compromises I make to survive.

Ariel

Mar 20, 2004

Thin Water

Sitting in the thin

Light of morning

Even Ariel has lost

Her voice.

Thinking of it not

As day’s beginning but

End of night,

Enduring the darkest hours.

And, yes, the sun will rise

And today may look beautiful

But like a reflection in water,

The sun will give off light

But no warmth.

And the cold will

Seep into my bones

And lodge there.

It has been water

In my mind all year.

Ariel

February 2004

October's Question

Why do I come over

You ask.

I can’t answer that

Completely …

How do I describe what I don’t understand,

Not sure I want to.

I can’t describe why being with you

Is like a jolt of electricity caressing me

Why standing next to you is being home

In a place I’ve never been before,

Unfamiliar but

Knowing where everything is.

I can’t explain why when I’m close to you,

Thoughts and names flow

Like half-remembered dreams I’ve never had.

I don’t know why the exhilaration,

At your touch,

Is the feeling of standing on a cliff

And not knowing which way the wind will blow.

It’s breathless, and scary and intoxicating

All at the same time.

It’s weird. It’s desire.

It would be so easy to run away from you.

To know you are there, and you could hurt me

Or I hurt you. I fear that.

The balance is tenuous, delicate,

Between how glorious it could be and how tragic.

I can’t explain that to you

For it scares me and it will scare you.

You are not some frivolous stone to pick up.

But I won’t tell you that either.

Nor am I.

But I’ll return

Three Brothers Taft Bay
CC Willow

Ariel

Oct 1, 2003

Polarity

My husband I need

I need because I love him.

But the other …

I love him because I need him.

Ariel

April 2003

Waiting for a Response

Waiting for a renewed response, searching

Through email hoping for your erst-while attention

Psychics, psychologists, spells & books

Searching among strangers for advise & direction.

Testing and Probing on the fringes

Searching for the secret to your affection.

Ariel

April 7, 2003

Dreams

Dreams that I can see

Are only to show what I

Will never achieve.

Ariel

March 28, 2003

Invitation

That was not expected

And further shows the irony of our timing.

Any other time I’m hoping for your attention

But no,I get it now

After I’ve committed

Every moment for the next three days;

When I have borrowed babes

Underfoot,

When I have widowed mother and a birthday

dinner to take care of;

A dinner for my husband

to meet  one of my past boyfriends,

When I have roots showing

And ten pounds to shed,

When the past mires my mind again

And I need to find my way back again.

Now you want me?

Lover, you’ll have to wait.

Ariel

March 28, 2003

Never Know

Never Know 

Perhaps you wouldn’t have loved me anyways

But I will never know. 

Never know if things were different,

That I may have captured your heart

The way you captured mine. 

Never know why,

After fourteen years,

Why I’m writing a love poem

To someone who is still basically a stranger.

 

Ariel

March 18, 2003

Moment of Rape

Moment of Rape

 

Maybe the problem is that

I’m always stuck in the month;
those two weeks that held my heart
and choices captive in two different polarities.
 
Those two weeks,
years ago, that finished the savage
taking of my innocence;
my body at the cost of my life
my life at the cost of my heart
my heart at the cost of my hopes.
 
You weren’t who I wanted to love
and yet I do –
someone who doesn’t want me.
 
He didn’t want me either –
just wanted to hurt someone,
hurt them to their core. 

How complete the hurt,
a moment I still cower in.
 

Ariel

March 18, 2003

 

Pisces Unfinished
CC Willow 2010

The Heart

The Heart

I feel, I believe,

the heart is not only capable

of loving many,

but is also meant to,

and by choice.

Monogamy, to me,

seems a very unnatural

state. Like meat tasting of

processed chocolate.

I don’t believe in “soul-mates”.

Ariel

March 17. 2003

Written

Your name is in my heart

Hidden under black ink

So that none may know or suspect

That I remember your illicit touch.

Ariel

2002

My Solution - an early piece

You're looking all over to

Solve Today’s Dream,

Saving the owl...

The forests...

The air.

And, somewhere along the way,

Picked up the assumption

That man must end

For the Earth to live.

Citing historic exploitation,

You condemn mankind's future.

"Die and sin no more!"

My faith tells me the solution

Lies only with the continuation

Of man,

Instilling in the next generation

The best of man's ideals,

The sum of man's experience.

So I will create a better tomorrow

By teaching the children today.

That is how I will raise our son

Ariel

March 12, 1991




 

Firepaw
CC Willow 2012