Adrift

Adrift

I am wary of being tossed about

Tired of bars and parties

They leave me unsatisfied and adrift.

Yet I am also tired

Of the sleepless nights of watching the stars

And the cravings, Lover,

That act like scurvy, eating away at my belly.

So I have taken another

And though he offers a safe port for my passion,

Though he dams the tide of need,

Though he releases me to sleep -

He does not release me from needing you.

Being with him feels empty

Going through the motions

Having no real substance.

A false wind that does not sustain.

A ship with a false bottom

And I am still sinking.

I’m trying to watch the stars

But the October night is overcast

Leaving me navigating in the dark

For right answers

Which keep pointing to you.

That overwhelms and scares me

For my want of you is not good for you

And when you send me adrift

You are left feeling guilty

You insist you do not love me & am

Unable to be what I need

You insist I belong to another.

Unable to reconcile,

I am not a vessel you trust

But dammed, unable to refuse me.

Dammed,

I am both connected and held apart by you

By a sea composed of our past.

And without you, I am sinking,

Navigating in the dark

In a ship with a false bottom

Ariel

Sept 2005

Reflections on Water by CC Willow