I am wary of being tossed about
Tired of bars and parties
They leave me unsatisfied and adrift.
Yet I am also tired
Of the sleepless nights of watching the stars
And the cravings, Lover,
That act like scurvy, eating away at my belly.
So I have taken another
And though he offers a safe port for my passion,
Though he dams the tide of need,
Though he releases me to sleep -
He does not release me from needing you.
Being with him feels empty
Going through the motions
Having no real substance.
A false wind that does not sustain.
A ship with a false bottom
And I am still sinking.
I’m trying to watch the stars
But the October night is overcast
Leaving me navigating in the dark
For right answers
Which keep pointing to you.
That overwhelms and scares me
For my want of you is not good for you
And when you send me adrift
You are left feeling guilty
You insist you do not love me & am
Unable to be what I need
You insist I belong to another.
Unable to reconcile,
I am not a vessel you trust
But dammed, unable to refuse me.
I am both connected and held apart by you
By a sea composed of our past.
And without you, I am sinking,
Navigating in the dark
In a ship with a false bottom
|Reflections on Water by CC Willow|